June 2026.

3 years ago when I had my stroke I knew recovery was going to be long “it’s a never ending marathon”~J but I had no idea how relentless it becomes, the constant hope, the failures, the knock backs , the diversions, I feel like I’ve been in heavy combat for 3 years. I had always expected summer 2026 to be a big one (for some unnamed reasons).

And it appears that’s not the case.

Not for want of trying.

I still commit to a hefty amount of rehab but my left arm and hand refuse to work

I work professionally in a role I find real value and passion in. But mourn being an active clinical person

I manage a lot of my health despite additional conditions: epilepsy, hypothyroidism, photosensitive skin, it bares the old adage of ‘no one knows your body better than you’ -I sometimes need someone who is willing to listen and help me get to my goals but that often isn’t easy. Disjointed teams and workflows exist which I shouldn’t have to battle but do, sometimes I nudge things in a direction and hope.

Driving- I’ve had more time not driving than I have driven post stroke even learning with my adapted car but health issues have repeatedly blocked it. I should, in theory, be ok to drive very very soon but this depends on the DVLA sorting their side out and previous experience is they won’t do it in the time scale. I’m trapped when I’m alone, I’m at the whim and mercy of other people; while I appreciate help I long for that freedom of “yeah I’m going there in an hour I’ll hop in the car” or “I fancy a walk around somewhere I’ll go and do that”

Speaking of cars, it appears mine is doing its swan song. It’s been undrivable for 6 weeks and in the garage for repair for 3. I’m hoping it can’t be repaired because I get to order an urgent replacement 6 months earlier than I should; I’ve already selected my next car and am full of anticipation to get it ordered. Or my current one back if the dvla say I’m safe.

There’s been a thing in the background for 3 years I don’t openly discuss but has peaks and troughs of activity, one day I’ll be able to close that door but currently it’s keeping my brain occupied

At time of writing we’re experiencing a heatwave in England with temperatures over 30oC, I’m not sleeping well, my brain has turned to wool through a combination of tiredness, dehydration and medication which is impacting my mood, physical coordination and mental processing. Combine these with a restless mind trying to work on all the above things and I’m holding my hand up and saying I’m not ok at the moment.

However the weather looks to take a cooler turn tomorrow and we go away next week, for a lot of quiet and rest time which is perfectly timed by sheer fluke.