I am trying to write this without being a narcissist.

Pre stroke I was present, loud, silly, affectionate and confident.

Post stroke I recognise I’m more introverted, often deep in thought and lack a lot of confidence and humour.

There are people: family, friends etc who can, and do, compare my two “eras” (for want of a better word).

But not everyone met the original Ben some have only met the Temu imitation version.

I can tell from my relationships with newer people who only know post stroke Ben that we get on, we have built friendships and some solid relationships but I have a constant niggle of how much better the relationship could have been if they had met the proper version.

I suppose it’s all hypothetical and irrelevant but it’s something that often sits in my thoughts.

Never look into the mirror
They always say that’s your first mistake
Don’t think you’ll disappear
When they come to steal your face

And I am the imposter
And I’ve already lost her

I keep looking for myself

🎶imposter- pearl Charles 2021