Pre stroke I was the swallow at home, if things were difficult or stressful I could gracefully swoop in, deal with it and leave, not just with my husband; the kids and my family too.

Id hear huffing, tutting and complaining, wander over “ill do that” or simply take over. Making free and easy decisions to deescalate situations and emotions. I was always emotionally aloof, unflappable and patient.

I am no longer these things because of the stroke.

I stand idly by, frozen, because I cant move quick enough to sort the issues, if I do get to the situation  the limit of what I can do with one hand and arm is minimal. I end up being a slow cumbersome obstruction just adding to that persons issue rather than relieving it.

Its incredibly frustrating, I feel like a penguin. Frozen, slow, limited mobility and with little grace.

Its quite the fall from a swallow to a penguin and one I don’t think I’ll ever easily accept and not be frustrated by.

Oh, she said we are penguins on the ice
We’re not meant to fly, but God knows we can try
And I see a hope that’s in her eyes
Oh, can you see the love in mine?

🎶 ed Sheeran, penguins 2021