Pre ambleI can’t quite remember how this concept landed in my brain as a good idea to post (watch me delete it in 24 hours from embarrassment ) but here goes

Background:

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a conceptualisation of the needs (or goals) that motivate human behaviour, which was proposed by the American psychologist Abraham Maslow. According to Maslow’s original formulation, there are five sets of basic needs that are related to each other in a hierarchy of prepotency (or strength). Typically, the hierarchy is depicted in the form of a pyramid although Maslow himself was not responsible for the iconic diagram.^[3] The pyramid begins at the bottom with physiological needs (the most prepotent of all) and culminates at the top with self-actualization needs

Let’s see how, post stroke life, I meet them:

Physiological

Breathing: yup I do that ok ✅

Food 🤷‍♂️ yes I eat, usually well and plenty, I’m not going to die of starvation but the impact of not being able to chose then prepare my own foods and eat with cutlery is a constant source of frustration; I get embarrassed when eating out that I can only use a fork or someone has to cut my food

Water – as above I can and do drink safely but the impact on not always being able to access drinks when and what I want is annoying.

Shelter – I have a lovely home as features in ‘my safe space’ but I struggle to clean, maintain and care for it.

Clothing – I have lots of clothes *peers in wardrobe* but I can’t dress easily (long sleeves, coats and buttons are an issue) I miss dressing in whatever I feel like not just what’s easy. Athe amount of time to change clothes or dress is frankly bloody annoying

Sleep – I do sleep, some residual neuro fatigue means I often sleep lots and frequently plan mornings to get bonus sleep in , however I often struggle to get comfortable. My pre stroke sleeping position is now impossible, frequently my affected arm will drop off the bed or end in a weird position so I wake up in pain.

Health – currently (June 25) I’m mostly stable, residual stroke hemiparesis is the biggest concern but I continue to work on it. My heart seems to have settled a bit 🤞

Employment- yes I work, it’s not the job it was because I can no longer physically fulfill it, which has removed my passion and enthusiasm, I am constantly looking for alternatives to try and reignite a spark which feels long since extinguished.

Property – as I said under shelter I have a very nice house.

Family – I am surrounded by a loving family; my relationship with my children has changed, I’m not the silly, tactile dad I was which has reflected in our changed dynamic.

Social ability – I am able to go out and see my friends and do things. I lost a big chunk of social ability when I lost my old gymnastic club. I have recently joined a new sports team and discovered a new group of friends and social life through this.

Love and belonging

Friendship – I have lots of good friends and can access them very regularly.

Intimacy- isn’t what it was pre stroke; there’s nothing sexually appealing about throwing a dead limb around or asking to wait until I can get into a comfortable position, I can’t really hug or cuddle either.

Family – see above

Sense of connection – I do feel well connected, I’ve got Rich, family, friends and the internet at my fingertips.

Self esteem

Confidence – pre stroke I was very confident, I had a great career, looked good, had interesting hobbies and great friends, losing all these things and living with a constant 90% frustration is damaging to confidence.

Achievement- see above, while I know the post stroke progress is something to be proud of I don’t always feel like it’s an achievement.

Respect of others – this is hard, some people respect the time, effort and difficulty my life now is, sadly it isn’t everyone and some people want to use it as an excuse to criticise me which is damaging to live with.

The need to be a unique individual- I certainly recognise I’m unique but is it something I “own” or am proud of? Not really. I think most people in my situation would be the same.

Self actualisation

Morality- I am a strong moraled man, I always have been. I look for good in the world, I try to be good.

Creativity- sadly I don’t have a creative cell within me and never have done.

Spontenaity- it’s difficult to be spontaneous when restricted by speed, ability and passion amongst other things.

Acceptance – remains an ongoing process, I have, with help, accepted where I am, it fires me to do other things too.

Experience purpose – I have tried to use my stroke experience to help others (e.g this blog) I mentally have a plan of more I could do but don’t currently have the resources for this.

Meaning and inner potential – I’m trying to find a post stroke new meaning, I have lots of potential and ideas but just can’t get there as yet

We’ve been brought to our knees
We’ve been so ill at ease
There are no guarantees
But you know life goes on
This too shall pass away
Bring new and different days
We need to change our ways
And right our wrongs

🎶 – when life is good again, Dolly Parton 2022