Pre amble: it’s took a while to think how to phrase this post; At times writing it felt (and likely reads) like I’m writing about a friend who has passed away; which I suppose is a good analogy and surprisingly accurate. I’m writing about a man who suddenly ceased to exist, I remember him with a pang of grief and Sadness; possibly with Rose tinted glasses and a nostalgia that I’m aware might be misplaced.

I was confident, loud, light and bright. When I entered a room you’d know. I’d say hello, I’d hug, I’d move around at speed. I’d bounce around doing lots of things at once. I’d talk at a million miles an hour and full of questions.

I’ve asked friends for examples of my character pre stroke to share.

Me, my 2 best friends in a hotel room for a night after a few beers but a strict (Covid) policy of remaining in room and silence by 10pm. We fell into the room at 9;59 and I wanted a cup of tea. The tray on the table was devoid of tea bags. Unable to leave the room and go to reception I tried to phone reception, however the room phone was broken. We ended with me, in just my underwear, hanging out of a hotel room window trying, in vain, to shout to reception that I wanted tea bags. this, to me, was peak “old Ben” silly, in fits of laughter and fun to be around.

Once sat in a pub I could hear a person around the corner laughing loudly with a laugh that sounded like a bird squawk, so I started squawking back and the pub started to sound like an aviary only making the original person laugh more; me and my friend in tears with laughter, making bird noises, relaxed, silly, loud, content.

Queuing to get into a night club in the cold, chatting with a female security person on the door, complaining I was cold and trying to flirt my way inside. I ended up wrapped in the coat of the security person having a hug; flirty, chatty, relaxed and confident

Coming across a series of posters from a David Williams book about a boy called Ben who liked dancing

Those wasted nights are not wasted
I remember every one
I know I used to be crazy
That’s ’cause I used to be young

You tell me time has done changed me
That’s fine, I’ve had a good run
I know I used to be crazy
That’s ’cause I used to be young

🎵used to be young – Mikey Cyrus, 2033