It’s October 2024, I’m almost 18 months into post stroke life and things are well, wobbly at best.

Work, despite some amazing opportunities, high achievements; doing a big online presentation to people who don’t really know me, which went exceptionally well and great feedback; there’s other threats in my peripheral and I’ve absolutely noted a lack of focus and enthusiasm towards work where as a few weeks ago I was almost laser sighted and determined.

Life, the legalities surrounding my stroke aren’t proving to be as straightforward as we’d anticipated which had rumbled us. I was left with a choice of leave it and accept life is just unfair and cruel or fight harder, I think I, no, we, need some justice and recognition so I’ve decided to put that battle helmet on and push on.

Health I’m trying to commit to 3 gym sessions a week and really push strength and mobility across the board but again finding I’m not always enthused or focused, but I do love being in the gym.

Mental health after a really rocky few weeks I essentially demanded help, I now have a neuropsychologist in my care arsenal, a lovely woman; while we’ve not done any real mental battle stuff just sitting with someone who doesn’t know any version of me and talking life over while being completely honest and open “the encyclopedia of Ben” as we’ve called it has felt worthwhile in itself.

An old work friend has recently passed away, he had been very influential when I first qualified as a health professional and was one of life’s good guys. We’d not spoken for years but earlier this year we reconnected under a “small world” scenario, while both on the rougher side of life altering health events we’d both got the same man helping us regain driving licences, the driving man worked out we probably knew each other and set off a chain of events where we’ spoke, we had planned to meet for a beer and story comparison but sadly never got round to it.

His passing had absolutely played on my mind, some very similar circumstances and I genuinely hope he’s found his peace, he deserves it,

Social life – we’ve been very busy recently. Spending one weekend with my eldest friend and his family in the midlands, we did a long walk to a pub, had food, beers, chatted, went to their house did more of all the above and we stayed over; pre stroke this was a bi monthly event and it feels so good to get this back.

More recently we were in the midlands again, natch, with other friends. We went to a gin distillery, had food, drinks, a walk by the canals and more pubs before spending an evening in their house drinking wine and chatting, again something that pre stroke was a regular event and feels great to return to.

I’ve also reconnected with some old work friends, through the aforementioned death of an old work friend, I spent some time in that work place, seeing people I haven’t for 6 years. I Left to a barrage of messages asking to meet up again soon; I was incredibly wary going in, I’d not seen most people in 6 years, many people didn’t know I’d had a stroke and look as terrible as I do, but I was welcomed, fussed, hugged and left pleased.

It’s been an odd week, at times I’ve felt as if I’ve been an external observer of my own life, I’ve been apathetic, unenthused and aloof; apologies if you’ve encountered me being off recently, life is feeling weird but I’ve recognised it and hope to get my head a bit more sorted over the next 2 days.

The slow lane
A small town
Only diesels dance
These streets
Weren’t meant to house
Jet fuel engine dreams

🎵-boy, The Killers, 2022