The below photo came up on my phone yesterday (22nd June) as a ‘one year ago today’ photo; I’ve talked about this iPhone feature before (link here please) and my love/hate with it.

This specific photo has some memories attached to it, I posted it on my instagram but wanted to expand a little more and I have the blog so here we go:

This photo was taken 6 weeks after my stroke, I’d already been through high level care, one stroke unit and recently transferred to hospital 3 the one closest to home and my family. I was unable to walk, standing was just about happening, so I was reliant on being pushed in a wheelchair, my parents would take me to the hospital entrance for drinks in the coffee shop, and for me to watch the characters, it was always entertaining.

This lift ride was the first time I’d seen a mirror since the stroke and really sat and looked at myself. All I could think was how tired, pale and ill I looked. I’d gone into the stroke the physically fittest I’d ever been, heavy, with a lot of muscle and some fat, I’d put a lot of weight on the start of the year, mostly from the gym. I had a good barber so my hair looked nice, I would do the odd sunbed session too, I had, admittedly, got a bit vain.

I remember looking at myself in the mirror and initially not recognising who was looking back at me. “Who is he?!” I tried smiling, making faces and pulling my cheek around to make me look more normal but it didn’t work, I had already started to accept I’d lost a lot of my life but to not even look like me was disturbing. I remember holding my breath while the lift moved and when I was wheeled out did the biggest breath intake followed by a sob; I was crushed; it’s a good job I couldn’t walk or run because I think I’d have been found laid on the road near the hospital.

My physio and OT team had started giving me facial exercises and quite quickly my face began to recover and look much more like me.

So a year down the line, it’s worth recognising I now look much better, my facial muscles returned fully and I have zero droop. My hair normally looks good, I can’t tan anymore and while I’m still lacking the muscle bulk I had, I’ve put weight back on and look healthy which is pretty much all I can ask for. Plus it inspires content like this win/win.