I’m typing this sat in our guest room / my office having been in here all day doing work I was mainly playing with the site editor, (in fact note on my contact page I now have a proper stroke and mirrors email address.)But somehow this evolved into a post because I have a lot going on and want to share some of it.

work

after an understandable wobble a few weeks ago where I considered completely abandoning my career I am doing more and more work, I pushed to work on site more which gave me a huge mental boost, I think being visible, accessible and surrounded by my peers has been great, its also exposed me to projects I can do from home so productivity across the board is hugely improved, making me feel valued. My bigger frustration is that Im using my knowledge and experience to influence things at work and remain desperate to perform some clinical role. It feels cruel to know things, have some control but not be able to be involved physically. I try not to say ‘never’ but I think it’s time I gave this thought chain a rest.

general health

I’ve never shied away from discussing my health (here or in the “real world”) This week I committed to more cardiac surgery, Id been adamant I wasn’t going ahead with any more treatment but that was upsetting my family and my long term cardiologist was so nice, understanding and plain in his explanation that really had no choice although we have been selective which centre I’ll receive treatment in and by whom.

My bank holiday weekend plans were a nice quiet one but I’ve had a nasty cold since Friday that led to a high temp, chesty cough and general unwell.

rehab functions and tools

I have finally been picked up by a community physio, who was absolutely lovely and very interested; it also led to a chance encounter with my very first inpatient physio who gave me a hug and cried when she saw me walking which was incredibly wholesome and nice, I have paused private physio due to the cost but continued robotic sessions as I am seeing real progress and like the technician I work with, he very much reminds me of my dad. I was hoping they would cross paths at a session last week but it wasn’t to be. I continue to do a large amount of self led physio where I can, but Im not seeing much progress anymore, still keep chipping away though.

social

the cruise we took to escape my stroke anniversary was a huge success and felt really ‘normal’ and I re-found my taste for a drink; Eurovision is always a highlight of our year and I spent it with my two best friends as is tradition, drinking, making silly comments and just being brilliant. We’ve got more things planned, another lodge break at the end of the summer, a pride event soon. This year I am determined to make my nephews birthday too as last year I wasn’t ready to do things like that and spent my day upset Id missed it.

misc opportunities

sometimes other opportunities are just waiting.

I recently said I wanted to push this blog a bit more and I was offered an opportunity to team up with ‘Help4ABI’ a new Nhs digital / coventry university resource for survivors of acquired brain injuries like me, I ended upon a brilliant back and forth with their lead person who asked me to write a blog post (dutifully done) which will be cross shared when I can. They also gave me a generous gift as thanks which I was told to buy something for me not for practicality. Ive bought garden lights and notebooks so crossing both boundaries. It was a pleasure to be involved and Im excited to see the outcome.

Via the wonderful disabled gym charity group I attend I was told of an upcoming Paralympics showcase day; not far away. coaches and representatives from Paralympic sports will try and pair disabled people with an appropriate sport to see if they enjoy it and its worth pursuing. paralmpian Ben? Maybe!! one step closer to getting on house of Games I suppose. Plus I like sport, purpose etc. I’m going in with an open mind.

You gotta be strong boy
You gotta be tough
Don’t you know you’re a man?
Anyone could have played ya
Weakness won’t be your saviour’

-🎶up in flames, Years & years (2018)

Litigation

Something I tend to discuss a little less openly but still acknowledge that I began a Medico legal claim many months ago as I believe that my surgery wasn’t performed at the highest level, safety was lax and my immediate post operative care was sub par, had all of this had more due diligence I could have potentially been treated by neurosurgery and life could possibly be hugely different. Hopefully, one day, I’ll recall this entire process as it ends.

But we’re in, my case was very quickly accepted by a prestigious, well known law firm and someone very senior within that firm (with whom I have a very, very tenuous link; I was immediately reassured I was doing the right thing. They believed in My case and would support me as long as I needed.

I was warned it might take years to resolve and I feel it will, this process is slow. I do know that after delays my medical notes from the surgery / stroke day have been submitted and eventually I will receive a Copy which I can’t wait to see; I have thoughts and will likely find more.