I must spend a significant proportion of every day wishing things were different, understandably I think

– I wish the stroke hadn’t happened and the surgical team had taken better care of me

– I wish it had been picked up sooner and then treated appropriately.

I wish I had enough money to try stem cell or epidural stim treatments or some of the intensive treatments in Switzerland and the US.

I wish I could walk more normally

I wish I could run

I wish I could dress myself normally . This one I really miss. My look and clothing mean a lot to me.

I wish I could hug properly, I’ve always been a hugger

I wish I could exercise and weight train to rebuild muscle

I wish I could grip things and release.

I wish I could cook, clean and do more around the house

I wish I could do my hair with two hands

I wish I could travel and do exciting things in fun places like my friends.

I wish I could walk my dog putting her harness on, walking fast enough for her needs and not being wary of the woods and fields I used to love

I wish I could get back to theme parks and on rides without panicking about the safety aspect and what to do with the affected arm.

I wish I could use a knife and fork. Actually let’s not go there the list of places I want to eat and foods is obscene and I’d weigh a tonne in weeks.

I also spend time watching people do things like the above completely mindlessly because they have no impairment and why wouldn’t they. It just makes me jealous; sometimes a little irrationally, why don’t bad things happen to those people? Why is it me?

All I can do is keep hoping, trying exercises, attending physio and trying to either adjust to life now or work to a more regular way. Keep playing the lottery too and engaging with the legal process which might one day provide some semblance of justice and maybe the financial boost to get some of these things.