I’m writing this 4 months post stroke and since becoming disabled, I’m doing lots out and about, going places, seeing people and doing things but strangers are the big variable I can’t account for,

The sympathy smile, when I’m in my wheelchsir, as infrequently as possible, people sometimes stop snd give a weird smile I’ve named the ‘sympathy smile’ it’s as if they recognise I shouldn’t be in this situation and they are sad for me, trust me there’s no one sadder than I am.

The judging , so I might not embrace my disability status and often, at times, a bit pigheadly try to carry on as if life is normal. To a stranger I am still a young man, I walk (with my stick) to a degree and I can talk and communicate clearly.

Last week we went to a nice restaurant for our sons birthday, one I am familiar with and you enter on the venues mid level with 2 below it. Which I knew the normaltoilets were located on. After dinner before we left I needed a wee, so went to the matre’d station and asked for the toilet, I’d shuffled over with my stick very slowly and the lady had seen me coming, she told me the toilets were downstairs, upon explaining I’d likely fall down them she did point to a disabled toilet with her and offered me the key, did she think I was walking like this as a mick- take? I looked at the stairs, steep, marble, curved and no lift, I absolutely needed the disabled one on this level , so hesitantly took the key and made my way there feeling embarrassed thst someone thought I wasn’t genuinely in need.

The first pub I visited was in the midlands with our friends, after waiting for my husband and friends to asses the toilet safety( was the floordry? A big space what sort of toilets did it have?

I set off at my slow pace and quickly encountered an issue; 2 doors to navigate, I got through the first fine, the second was more difficult, trying to bslsnce with my stick, let the first door close then get through a second.

The way back out was the same and while stood between both doors a man came into the toilet, opening the external door, clocking me then held that door and as I got closer leant over me to hold the other door for himself , a stranger being genuinely considerate and kind, it made my day.

Finally I made it to a small local pub with my family and some extended family were there too,

Again while making a trip to a toilet on my first visit I found the weighted door a little difficult,

I grew up in a small villiage where lots of people know each other, I worked in the most central pub from17-22 so I’m well known too

On my next trip to the toilet a relative held the door which was nice but he was stood with people i partly know and while in the bathroom could hear a conversation about my health and what had happened, I was a little bit annoyed by this, I am perfectly capable of explaining myself and it just felt like gossip not interest or concern, I got more sympathy smiles as I passed through back to my seat